New Game Show
Posted on 2007-02-27
This show just started.. Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? You have to answer questions from 1st to 5th grade and win money. This is semi comical... and of course anticipating that I am indeed smarter than a 5th grader I thought I'd answer the first question. What month did Christopher Columbus arrive in the United States? Hhmm..that holiday is not long after school started... SEPTEMBER!!
It was October. This wasn't looking good. We went through a few more questions with some relative sense that I'm not a total dolt when it dawns on me the children in the show have a decided advantage.. they just learned this stuff.
This means, it's not that they are smarter. It means we've had to learn so much more that fifth grade and below is filed so far back in to the recesses of the memory it's hard to remember. Ask us something relevent and we'd blow those ankle biters away!
Insert Subject Here
Posted on 2007-02-27
Can you insult someone in a forum such as myspace or this space, or any public forum then try to claim that your rights are protected by freedom of speech?
Legally, I think, as long as you do no actual damage to a person's career or otherwise ruin their reputation to a certain extent you can speak your peace.
BUT, does that make it right? I don't think so.. I don't think there is a forum where it is okay to be totally unkind. The courts might find it tasteless but won't do anything. So, how do you protect yourself?
I guess try to be as fair as possible. Do you disagree with someone? That's cool.. their idea may be dumb in YOUR eyes but that doesn't make the person behind the idea dumb. (Replace the word dumb with any suitable word for the topic.) Make sure you comment and it's known that it's your own opinion. Afterall, we all have opinions. Sometimes, they are wrong. (Mine ~coughchokecough~ are always right I'm sure.)
Otherwise, try not to give anyone a reason to speak badly of you but it'll happen probably so try to have a tough skin.
On the other hand, before you publish in a public forum unkind comments about another person ask yourself one question... How would you feel if someone did it to you. Are you so perfect that you can judge another? If you think you are then you are wrong .. so much for being perfect. We all have flaws and faults. We all make mistakes. Understand that and forgive it.
And one other thing. When you read things here you do not hear very important aspects of what is said.. Tone, inflection, intention. You can say something completely tongue in cheek but to see it in writing it will look very bad just about every time.
So, if you ever see something you disagree with on my blog.. that's cool. But if it hurts you, PLEASE tell me because that is never my intention. I like a good debate I don't like to upset anyone. Always feel free to ask for clarification.
I Jumped On The Bandwagon Too..
Posted on 2007-02-26
Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self -- always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.
Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the "not visible" or the "not yet" that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things.
Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a "soulmate," someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds.
Idealists are rare, making up between 20 and 25 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers.
The Four types of Idealists are:
Healers (INFP) | Counselors (INFJ) | Champions (ENFP) | Teachers (ENFJ)
( I asked my husband if I'm an Idealist and he said.. "mmm..sorta I guess. In that you think things should be one way but their not." He's right. )
Think Before I Speak
Posted on 2007-02-26
I never was good at talking to other people in some circumstances. I speak my mind long before I give thought to the words that tumble right out of my mouth. Needless to say I spend a lot of time apologizing for mis-speaking.
A couple of these blunders have remained memorable over the years. There was the person that found out he had rectal or colon cancer. There was a chance he might have to wear a colonoscopy bag and he really didn't want to do this. After a few drinks he brought this up with me and with all the tact I could muster... no, I take that back because I didn't give thought to my repsonse until I heard it being spoken. "Well I guess it's the bag or six feet under..take your pick." DAMN! I didn't mean to be that callous sounding yet there was truth behind those words.
Imagine my surprise when this man started laughing and was suddenly fine with whatever outcome may befall him. I am quite thankful to say, cancer was removed and he was fine and had no need for the bag that I DO understand would have been completely undesirable to have.
Then, there was the pending 50th birthday for my father in law. He started to put the hair dye in his hair to cover the graying but it tended to leave him with a shock of green tinged hair. He was taking this particular birthday rather hard so this time I TRIED.. I swear I meant well when I tried to cheer him up. I thought if I make the number smaller than 50 it would work. I was sincere and truely well intentioned when I finally came up with the perfect and comforting thing to say.. "Don't think of it as 50 but instead half a century."
In my head it sounded good but as soon as it was spoken I realized how horribly bad it sounded. In case I was confused at how horrid it sounded the look on his face spoke volumns. I had not helped at all and the snickers of others in the room weren't helping the situation any.
That was almost thirty years ago. He's remembered that when I turned 50 and I think everyone else that has turned 50 since then too. It's become a family joke.. that just won't die!
Maybe someday I'll be someone a person can come to when they need comforting but somehow I doubt it. I care mind you, I do. I just never come up with any words of comfort and when I do.. they are horrible. Comical but horrible!
Just My Own Opinion
Posted on 2007-02-26
According to Joan Rivers you have to be dressed wonderfully on the red carpet when you are critisizing others. And while I think the red furry coat thing is a bit much she does look nice on the surface clothing wise. And I like Joan Rivers but now when I see her I just watch her upper lip to see if it moves when she talks. You can over do the botox or whatever she has going on there. But then, with this red dress she has on... purple shoes. Purple and red and she's giving reviews of how others are dressed??
Her daughter looks stunning in black and shiney things!
Name Change
Posted on 2007-02-25
Thanks Kenneth..
I'd been wanting to change the name of my blog. Illusive Thoughts sounds like I have ..uhm.. erm..what's the name of that .. I forgot, Oh, Alzheimers.
Digital Dreams. It's a comical reference to his last comment yet.. I liked it. I don't like to take what I didn't make up, without giving credit where credit is due...so thank you for that idea.
I have a real problem
Posted on 2007-02-25
Wasn't it me that posted the 12 step program for email addiction?
And.. it's me that just sent myself email to make sure my email works.
However, in my defense this behaviour is not the norm but I've been waiting for pictures from my brother that I haven't seen in well.. since 1969. So, I'm anxious.
One Desperate Housewife
Posted on 2007-02-25
Sunday. All day Sunday I look forward to Desperate Housewives. How can you miss a show that a woman is willing to mow a lawn in an evening gown? I mean.. haven't we all dreamed of doing this?
It's just a show that is real life mixed with enough bizaare to make it comical..laughable. And I do like to laugh!
But tonight I'll be deprived of the ladies and gentlemen on Wisteria Lane so we can watch yet another awards show. How many awards need passed out for the same thing? Do we need to watch this much ego stroking? Heck NO!
We need to know if Bree's ladder coincendently broke or if someone tried to kill her... or if the pizzeria will have enough chairs, or is that Kyle using the ring Mark bought before his accident as an engagement ring?? ... these are the important things in life!
Either that or I need to get a real life and that option might be the one I should check in to?
I Hate Snow!
Posted on 2007-02-25
So.. I am not sure how much snow is out there. I think six feet! Oh wait.. I am being a wee bit melodramatic. Perhaps five to six inches on a guess?? Being originally from San Diego I rather hate snow and much prefer the milder climate of S. California. Were instead of snow we could have flowers right now.
Flowers is off topic.. Six inches of snow on the ground and people start to shovel. My husband shovels in shifts. That way there isn't as much to shovel at one time. This is important because it does get heavy and he does do the sidewalks of the neighbors to each side of us, the couple across the street that aren't as able to shovel and the house on the corner; friends of his that have moved but their house has yet to be sold. That's a lot of shoveling so it's much easier to do a few inches at a time.
Now, about the time the rest of the neighborhood starts to shovel the plow finally comes and makes one pass over the street. This means that only one lane is semi clear. So, what do a few of the lovely neighbors do? Shovel their snow right back out into the street.
Prior to the plow the snow was at least somewhat flat. Snow tossed by the shovel fulls into the now cleared road tends to be lumpy and the bottoms of cars were dragging over the snow trying to get through. Or, rather than stop shoveling and stepping back when a car comes they stay right out there trying to dig their car out which makes drivers seem uncomfortable trying to navigate the hill.
I admit, it did make for entertaining viewing before the plow came watching people trying to get up the hill. Which, is why I don't drive in the snow. One year, a car was pushing another car which was dumb. When they got stuck and blocked the trash truck the trash truck tried to push both of them and got himself stuck too. Nope, I won't get on the road with that kind of idiotic driving.
I simply can't wait until spring!
Drug Sales!
Ramblings
Posted on 2007-02-24
Last night was a comedy show we've had tickets for since the comedian was booked.. and some friends went with us. The evening was fun, entertaining and ended with the news on the answering machine that the stress test I had the other day was good. I apparently can go back to excersizing again. <insert an appropriate amount of enthusiasm here for me cause I sure don't have it!>
My husband is working today, my son moving from his apartment to a rented house. It sucks when you can supposedly afford to pay rent but don't qualify to buy a house. For that matter, why can't they build houses that are more like starter houses. You know, a couple bedrooms, a bathroom.. maybe two.. just a small house? Oh, I know, I know.. people were buying these big huge monsters so builders make more money off of a lot than they do if they make a small house. In the meantime, you have an entire generation of people that can no longer afford to purchase a house because all the homes being built are out of most people's reasonable price range.
Oh, sure, variable interest rates, roll over this and that and you can afford a house. Until the interest rates go up. Then, people were selling left and right.
I went to Tiffany's once. It's in one of my favorite movies.. Breakfast at Tiffany's. It was wonderful! Of course, we were there for a bike, motorcycle ride and dressed accordingly so people kept suggesting we go down stairs were we might better find something affordable. They were right but darnnit.. I just wanted to look! And.. dream.
The second and last time we were there my husband had saved money to let me buy something from Tiffany's. I went through the entire store so I could find the absolute cheapest, or near cheapest thing. Even cheap it would still be good cause it was from.. Tiffany's. The more I looked the more I was ready to settle for something, like oh, I don't know, a paper plate! I knew our credit cards and checkbooks said I should get the hell out of there while the getting was good!
I did find a silver necklace. It's a chain looking thing with a heart shaped charm that I could take to any jeweler or Wal-Mart to be engraved. It was clunky looking and not my favorite thing but it was from..yeah, you got it..Tiffany's. Only there is one major, major problem. I am apparently allergic to silver!!
So, there it sits on the shelf, in the blue Tiffany colored velvet Tiffany's bag, in the same colored box with a satin ribbon around it and in the Tiffany's colored bag. Just.. sitting there being my own personal Tiffany's gift. Not long ago I tried to wrap it around my wrist much like a bracelet. It didn't look good but eh.. apparently I can't wear silver on my wrists either.
Anyway, hope you all have a good weekend.. for now I'm going to quit rambling and jumping subjects.
Smoothed Over..
Posted on 2007-02-23
Hopefully, this will be the last post on this topic but I use this forum to say all the things I don't want to say.. then I can move on. Unless it comes time to celebrate of course.
So, I did not call older daughter up. ( See prior post.. I forget sometimes others read this!) That would be a waste of time and only cause more problems but I did call younger one. I told her I was sorry she had to hear all that from big sister but big sister couldn't speak for everyone. You see, all along we've been vocal about our concerns. And I got to thinking about that... what on earth could have been said to make it all so .. ugly? Nothing. Older daughter doesn't even call here or return my calls so she hasn't a clue what we think beyond issues that make us worry. And the youngest already knows of these issues.
My youngest one understood when I explained I couldn't answer her very well cause I went straight to angry with older daughter without thinking. She's known since day one when he made me feel uncomfortable in my own home that I did not at all like the way he speaks to me or her. She's known all this. I explained that nothing has changed, we are concerned which doesn't necessarily equate to dislike. ( I'd like him much better if he grew up or moved out...I didn't say that.) we don't understand things he does like purchases for him, EXPENSIVE ones at that, but the bills aren't all paid. Then she said the wrong thing.. she doesn't work right now, he supports her so she doesn't really have a say.
Uhm, dear, does he come home and that baby is alive? You've worked. He's one of those that can't figure out what she does all day. I was tempted to suggest she simply not do what she does and he'll figure it out!! In retrospect though, my ex husband was the same way. He earned the money therefore it was his. It was not until I was older that I could fully appreciate how this thinking was totally flawed. And, while my thinking changed my ex's didn't... just his residence. ( For clarity, my current husband raised her so I don't know where she got that thinking.)
But, she has something I didn't have. I lived in Germany with the ex and four kids. My friends were his friends. I was fairly isolated. My daughter isn't. She has family that will always remind her of right and wrong.. even when she's the one that's wrong and eventually.. when she decides she doesn't have to defend him we will be back to party planning stage.
Hopefully, after this I will return to my normally scheduled blogging. For what that's worth.
Letter to my Daughter
Posted on 2007-02-22
(( No, I did not send this.. probably won't either..maybe I should. I just know I'm hating this drama going on right now!!))
Dear Kiddo,
I'd talk about this over the phone but you get frustrated and want to get off before you hear anyone out.. and I guess I understand that.
I think first what I want to say is that when your sister speaks you really must learn to take only half of what she says and only swallow that with several grains of salt. She honestly has no right speaking for everyone. Only for herself.
As for me, and note I speak for nobody but myself.. I wouldn't go so far as to say I do not like your man. But, you put me on the spot so I will say this.
I came from an abusive background. Mentally and physically abusive. I worked every day to try and learn how to raise you kids differently and I want nothing more in life than to know you are never treated as I was nor are my grandchildren. So when he hollers at a pregnant woman for not getting laundry done, using words my own husband doesn't use with me, it worries me.
He speaks his peace with me in a manner that is as far as I'm concerned very disrespectful any time he disagrees with me. If he can treat YOUR mother this way, then every time he does that and you leave, I worry about how he treats you. I am sure you don't speak to his parents with a disrespectful tone and I know, I'd smack you if I heard that. It's just not right. If I don't accept that from strangers, in fact don't want to be spoken to disrespectfully by my very own children then it stands to reason that I don't like it from ANYONE. It doesn't matter who it is but everyone deserves a little civility even during disagreements.
Take it one further and if he's disrespectful to you and I.. how is he going to treat the baby when he gets old enough to start getting frustrating?
Those aren't dislikes.. they are very real concerns of mine.
But, there is more. Sure Tom's van was a pain. Unfortunately he's that last minute way with everyone and yes it annoys people, not just your man. But, some of us simply don't understand why, when you guys need the money, he'd walk away from making $150.00. No, the pay's not good but it's more than Zero. Why is my pregnant daughter hungry and he's walking away from $150.00? Yes, Tom already took it apart which makes it harder for David but some money is better than no money.
There are those of us, namely me, that do not understand how he can in good conscience spend money for high perferomance parts on a car he can't drive when there are bills to be paid. I know he needs tools to make money but he doesn't have to start out with the best if doing so puts you further into debt. Get his feet on the ground and build up rather than sacrifice other important things makes more sense. But for himself he only likes the best and it LOOKS like he doesn't care who has to sacrifice what to get the best. Rather like our Harley's.. they did not come until you guys were older and we had the money. Family first.. priorities.
See, keep in mind what I know. Craig worked extra days, even Sundays to try and get the things you needed and some of what you wanted. Rollerblades for one was a side job. Not a car for him or a motorcycle for him but his family came first. With David it SEEMS like family comes second.
I repeat, these aren't dislikes, they are concerns. To tell the truth, it doesn't matter if anyone other than you likes him. But given people have concerns about him then if we are wrong your plan to just not bring him around those of us that (according to someone else, ) don't like .. will him only add fuel to that.
It is not up to you to make everyone like him it is up to him. When he finds himself among a family that believes in following the law like I do, then he shouldn't make me feel stupid. He wants me to do his taxes and yet makes me feel like I'm ignorant because I believe that if he earns income he should claim it on his taxes. That was another conversation he made me feel like an idiot for. I claim income from all customers. I don't cheat and he thinks it's okay to do so. I can't tell him if he should pay his taxes or not but don't assume because we have our own business that I cheat.
But all that said, it tears at my heart when I hear him cuss at you. I cry when he can tell you all you had to do all fucking day (3 hours) was laundry, when in truth you had to drive him to and from work, take him to run errands. He has you and now he has a son it is time for him to be a man, a loving responsible man. Until that time, I will worry about you and the baby. And keeping him away will only make me worry even more.
Perhaps I am lucky but I wake up each day and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am loved and cherished. I am spoiled and I love the man for it. I'd be happy if you kids had half of what I have and when I don't see it I worry. So, it's not up to you to change anything it's up to David. You wanted the truth you got it. If you don't have enough respect between each other to speak even civily.. yes, i worry. That tears at the heart, it will tear at your self esteem.. and it WILL affect my grandson and my daughter.
And, don't ever take what your sister says as gospel truth because to be concerned isn't necessarily equated to dislike. We all erred.. We spoke our frustrations rather than burden you with it and she didn't respect that confidentiality and in fact turned it around on all of us. For that I'm sorry.
It's tough to be loved by a bunch of people that only want you to be happy, huh?
So much for dancing
Posted on 2007-02-22
I've already explained my daughter and our hope that she doesn't marry the man she's with. Anyone with children knows the best tactic is to keep your trap shut no matter how much you want to speak your peace. Why? You put the very child you wish to save in the spot that now she's defending him.
So... with that in mind I have this fake smile I wear just for those occasions.
Today I talked to her on the phone and she thought I'd heard she'd gotten in a big fight with bad dude. I was picturing the dancing here with all of you, the celebration was silently starting as she explained that she packed the baby up and went to spend the weekend with my OLDER Daughter, whom at this moment I'm tempted to refer to as "Dumbass." But.. I won't.
Older daughter apparently told this younger daughter how nobody liked her boyfriend and everyone .. God only knows what she said but God, couldn't you have just made her start choking? Nothing bad.. just a temporary, shut your mouth kindof thing?
So, today younger daughter confronts me about this and I tried to explain that it isn't that we dislike him but we do not like the way he talks to you. I can't undo what Older Daughter did and it sounds like if she heard a morsel from someone, older daughter made it bigger than it was.
That celebration going on in my head? It was quickly turning to thoughts of ripping out someone's tongue. She was always the manipulative one of the bunch and if she wanted to help she failed miserably, if she wanted to make sure everyone was hurt she did a good job.
I had to get off the phone and without lying didn't know what to say to her. Now, when we thought maybe this was coming to an end she's in that spot I didn't want her to be.. defending him. Defending him keeps her closer and in fact she's said she doesn't know what to do but to not bring him around all of us since we don't like him according to her older sister. That just makes her tied even further to him and we don't see her or her baby.
It would make sense to call older dumb..erm..daughter up and give her a piece of my mind but her phone works more than one way and she'd be on the phone to little daughter causing even more trouble. These kids were so cute when they were young...what happened?
Internet Addiction?
Posted on 2007-02-22
( Spirited Minikin, hope I spelled it correctly) asked if there was a 12 step program for internet period. I found this and thought I'd share. I couldn't tell if it had pop up's so I just copy and pasted it here but it came from anvari.org.. enjoy. I feel I must point out that I don't necessarily agree with all of those steps. )
1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.
6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.
7) I will read a book...if I still remember how.
8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Internet.
12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime...and the Internet will always be there tomorrow!
Email Addiction
Posted on 2007-02-22
Email Addiction?
Are you addicted to email?? Here is a 12 step program for you. In fact, you don't even have to leave the house or your computer to attend meetings.. the meetings, as I understood the news, come to you in your email.
Maybe I'm wrong but wouldn't that defeat the purpose? Either way I know I'm not giving up my computer!!
Not Allowed To Gloat? ... Darn!
Posted on 2007-02-21
So, my daughter just had a baby last month with her boyfriend now fiance. We've all held our breath hoping she wouldn't marry this guy. I will give you one example, though there are many, she brought their clothes to my house to wash. She had to drive him to work first cause his lisence is suspended. So she got here about 10:00 am.. she did laundry until about 1:00 or so when my son's daughter spilled red juice on the kitchen rug. My daughter got out of the laundry so I could get the rug in the washer before it stained, then he called to be picked up by 2:00.. so she left before 2:00. She had 3 hours, 4 hours to do their laundry.. tops.
He got there and she wasn't done with it and he started to holler at her and said all she had to do all fucking day long was their laundry. This is MY daughter he spoke to like this. I was seething but I tried to smooth it over, I apologized for the spill and needing to use my own washing machine. And in the face of that apology he just looked at me and said, "Spray and wash would have worked."
They are my friggin' machines. Not his. None of the other of MY kids bring their laundry home to do so why does she have to bring his here.. then tell me I can wait? But, I bit my tongue hard because my daughter was blind and I knew if I said any more she's the one that would hear about it.
Thankfully my husband was in a different room and missed the whole thing. You don't holler at our daughter like he did and get away with it. What I did not realize is that my son, by the grace of God, was standing there holding his daughter. Apparently my son did not take kindly to this person running his mouth to his sister and ESPECIALLy me and was ready to kick his ass but couldn't cause of his daughter that he's trying to get custody of.
This is how he treats me, it's how he treats her and I don't want to imagine what he's like when we aren't around.
So.. rumor has it, she's been calling someone else in the middle of the night. In fact, my husband just called and said our daughter called him and asked if he wanted to come kick the soccer ball around with her. He pointed out that he'd love to but there is too much ice. I'm not sure what all he's gotten out of that conversation yet and what he's heard from elsewhere but he has a feeling this relationship is nearing an end.
He also told me I am not aloud to gloat. Damn. So, yes, I'm praying hard that she doesn't marry him. That maybe, just maybe it is coming to an end because she deserves someone that won't speak her with such UNkind words. That will not run his mouth to her parents because all that does is drive a wedge between her and her family. She deserves someone that will love her.. flaws and all.
So.. I won't gloat. I'll just come here. And, sorry, if this relationship ends, if he's no longer around to speak to her like he does, nothing will stop me from doing a happy dance. I'll just do it in private.
Just my own opinion..
Posted on 2007-02-21
Anna Mae He is currently at the center of a custody battle. When she was three weeks old her parents relinquished custody of their daughter to another family. Supposedly so the child could get medical insurance. And supposedly they understood this to be a temporary measure. The ruling says that the parents didn't have full knowledge of what the consequenses were.
The family that this child is being taken away from has raised her for the past 8 years. You cannot give custody of your child to someone then want to came take the child back. Have the child spend 8 years living with this family, being raised and loved adn cherished as their own then rip this child from the safety and security of what she knows is family.. and home. I've been there once.
We had our grand daughter for 2 years. The first one admittedly was while she was in kindergarten and I had her all day but she went home most evenings. The next year she simply lived with us. She didn't want to leave and we, in the short time that we had her, felt as if we'd lost a child of our own. Had I known then what I know now my daughter never would have gotten this child, this angel back.
This was traumatic on both sides. Oh, don't worry. Apparently my daughter made it much easier for my grandaughter to go home and told her we TOOK her. Conveniently leaving out the part of the drug raid that led up to us offering to keep her for awhile. Something my daughter agreed to willingly. Maybe that hurt worse than anything was that outright lie that made us become the equivelant to kidnappers in this child's eyes. We don't hear from her either. She's been gone two years. They come and collect Christmas presents and leave.
So, I've been there. I've walked in those shoes and know you can't just tear a child away from the home she knew, the family she knew. If you can't take care of a child don't have one! Otherwise, accept the consequences of what you do.
Just so this is clear I know there might be some occasions when it is helpful if someone can take your child on a temporary basis. I can't think of any myself but I'm sure it happens. Temporary, when dealing with children is charted in a matter of months not years.
I think the child, Anna should be able to stay with the family that raised her.
<a href="http://www.myeyewitnessnews.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=a56de018-7c86-48b3-878f-56ffb2af0881">Anna Mae</a>
Personal Venting
Posted on 2007-02-20
My father died about 12 years ago. I never knew he had money because he was so miserly but according to the lady he was married to for the last five years of his life, he'd felt very guilty for things that happened in his children's life that he had absolutely no control over. I do not hold him responsible nor would I ever but he himself never could let go of the guilt. He did the only thing he knew to do to try and make ammends.. he saved every penny he could with the intention of leaving it to my brother and I.
Before he died I knew my brother was to get all the outdoor items and tools, and some other things and I was to get all the "house" things. Shortly before my dad died he changed his will so that the woman he was married to those last five years could remain in the house and the will was changed so that everything would go to her so I couldn't take and empty the house on her and leave her with nothing. He did not clarify that upon her death I was to get it.
For the most part this wasn't an issue. I wanted three things.. my mom's Indian Statue, my mom's chaise lounge, and my grandmother's stained glass windows. I got the statue but my mother's chaise lounge she wouldn't let me take because my dad made her sell her's. But, my grandmother's stained glass windows that are priceless antiques and hang indoors? She wouldn't let me take those either. I was named after my grandmother .. they have sentimental value to me and I couldn't have them.
Then, there is the matter of the house. When my dad died it was paid off. She told me prior to his death that he wanted her to pay taxes and insurance, and of course her utilities. She AGREED to this! Then, as soon as he died, she charged first taxes and insurance to the estate because they told her she could. Then, she started charging her water bill to the estate and claimed it as 'fire prevention.' So, we pay for her to shower, clean her dishes, everything and she expended NO money on water during the last wild fire.
This house had no debts against it. None. It was paid off. The money my dad left was to pay for major repairs. This is what we were all told while he was alive. But the paperwork was not done correctly and she got all of it until she dies at which time the house is to be sold and the money split between my brother and I. I was FINE with this.
What I wasn't fine with is when she took a loan out against the house and has been only paying the interest payment with money she uses from the estate. So, she is depleting the funds and the loan faster than any normal person would. Finally, over a year ago, her daughter called my brother saying this woman wanted to sell the house, pay off the debt she's incurred and then split the money three ways. This was NOT part of my dad's will or trust.. no where is it there.
I contacted a lawyer who in turn turned it over to the appropriate people. I did not contest the fact that she lived in the house I did however, contest to the offer to sell the house and she take what she's already spent plus a third.. a third that will go to her children and not the children that were intended to receive it, ultimately his grandchildren.
I contested that our annual statements of expenditures included bounced check fees, a new koi fountain and the upkeep of that, to include the fish. Now, if she needs to repair the roof which is what the money was for not fish, she doesn't have the moeny! And no, we were not consulted when she spent money. The list goes on.. there are expenditures in there that we have no clue what they are for. It's just someone's name and for years we've been asking for a better accounting than just names. At no time did I want her removed from the house.. though the end result is that in our doing that the cost of her lawyer comes from the estate too. So we were paying our lawyer and hers too.
Through it all she couldn't be bothered to learn the names of my dad's grandchildren. She called two of my
children et and al. It isn't the money so much as it is that I used to call her and all I heard was how much she loved my dad then wanted us to spend our personal money to put a swimming pool in for her. She was allowed to live in the house but not make changes.. See this house was my mom and dads.. they built it. It was their dream house. A spanish style house and my dad had spanish tile around the fireplace .. he adamanttly refused to let her put in mantles. As soon as he died, she had COLonial mantles put on spanish style fireplaces.
And, because of what she perceives as us trying to contest the will, she's prepared to have us removed from the trust, which she can do. But we didn't contest that.. we contested this selling and her getting the bills plus one third.. which is Not part of the will.
It isn't even so much about money as it is.. honor. It's about respecting that my grandmother's windows should have come home with me. Oh yeah, she told me to come get them then when I got there said..no. How can she say she loved my dad and then take what he wanted his children to have?
Originally she had only three years to live in the house then it was to be sold. Understandably he didn't want her out on the streets so he changed it until she died or remarried but everything else remained the same. It would be nice to help my kids get in to their own houses instead of pay for her to live in my dad's house. It would be nice to not struggle financially every day.. it would be nice to know when one of my father's grandchildren is HOMELESS... his money can go toward helping them get on their feet. My son wants to get custody of his daughter.. he could use the money but even to my kids it's not about my dad's money but honor.
It's about honoring your word, respecting my dad's wishes. We could have had her kicked out at the end of three years. For one we didn't know this and we still didn't want her kicked out but do want her to quit spending money that she shouldn't spend. It's about following through with what my dad wanted.
You can't make a person be honorable. And I guess in time she will have to meet her maker. Just make sure you don't just TRUST your word will be followed when you die. As soon as my dad died she was all about money. None of us knew how much he had and it floored us but it's been about how she changed and she became all about money. My father had her and her children set for life and now she's taking what was for his children and grandchildren.. and apparently willing to try and take it all.
I'm sorry.. I could handle all of this better if, from day one she was honest about who she was instead of giving me this "I love him so much line." Clearly she loved his money and despite everyone saying this I wanted to believe she was better than that. How sorely mistaken I was.
Posted on 2007-02-19
Redneck Catfish.
Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic....And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.
The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass.....and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."
Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.
The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted:
You wuz born a Deer, you wuz raised a Deer, but now you a Catfish.
Wonder If Someone is trying to tell me something?
Credit Cards Easier to Come By For Some??
Posted on 2007-02-17
A couple weeks ago I went to my bank and opened bank accounts for my grandchildren. These accounts are for them when they become adults so either my social security number or the child's social security number was required. This was required for natural born citizens of the United States.
Now, I hear that Bank of America has started to allow people with no social security number to get not just checking accounts but credit cards too. The requirment for the credit card is three months of checking account with no bounced checks.
I'm not sure why I find this offensive. Perhaps because there were hoops I had to jump through for everything I've done financially. And I'm a citizen of this country. It took me YEARS, not months, to be able to build up enough credit that I could, with the appropriate Social Security number and other proper ID get a credit card.
Just one more thing that in my eyes does a disservice to all those immigrants that came to this country in prior years and followed all the laws to reside in this country.
I heard on the television the other day someone stating something that seems very true.. but I can't quote it exact however it was basically .. "I don't think American's are against immigration. I think they are against ILLEGAL immigration." Is it too much to ask that we all follow the same laws?
Now We Will Resume Our Normally Scheduled Blogging
Posted on 2007-02-16
I just ordered pizza. It will be interesting to see if I get the pizza I ordered. The lady talked so fast I had no clue what she was saying. Eventually I started to feel bad for asking her to please slow down and repeat herself. I'm glad they took the thirty minute time limit off your pizza too. I don't know if I'm right but I just figure I'd stand better chances of getting a warm pizza if the driver gets here in one piece!
Nothing else went on today. Nada. It was a boring day. I'm tired of being cooped up cause of the ice. I will be oh so glad when Spring comes! I was messaging Mary, Mary back and forth a few times and decided that since I haven't been to Disneyworld this would be the perfect time to go, yes?
If only I could just squeeze out enough money from my very empty wallet to take that trip I just might!
Kudos Rocky
Posted on 2007-02-16
Thank you for making it all work again with macintosh!
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