Smoothed Over..
Hopefully, this will be the last post on this topic but I use this forum to say all the things I don't want to say.. then I can move on. Unless it comes time to celebrate of course.
So, I did not call older daughter up. ( See prior post.. I forget sometimes others read this!) That would be a waste of time and only cause more problems but I did call younger one. I told her I was sorry she had to hear all that from big sister but big sister couldn't speak for everyone. You see, all along we've been vocal about our concerns. And I got to thinking about that... what on earth could have been said to make it all so .. ugly? Nothing. Older daughter doesn't even call here or return my calls so she hasn't a clue what we think beyond issues that make us worry. And the youngest already knows of these issues.
My youngest one understood when I explained I couldn't answer her very well cause I went straight to angry with older daughter without thinking. She's known since day one when he made me feel uncomfortable in my own home that I did not at all like the way he speaks to me or her. She's known all this. I explained that nothing has changed, we are concerned which doesn't necessarily equate to dislike. ( I'd like him much better if he grew up or moved out...I didn't say that.) we don't understand things he does like purchases for him, EXPENSIVE ones at that, but the bills aren't all paid. Then she said the wrong thing.. she doesn't work right now, he supports her so she doesn't really have a say.
Uhm, dear, does he come home and that baby is alive? You've worked. He's one of those that can't figure out what she does all day. I was tempted to suggest she simply not do what she does and he'll figure it out!! In retrospect though, my ex husband was the same way. He earned the money therefore it was his. It was not until I was older that I could fully appreciate how this thinking was totally flawed. And, while my thinking changed my ex's didn't... just his residence. ( For clarity, my current husband raised her so I don't know where she got that thinking.)
But, she has something I didn't have. I lived in Germany with the ex and four kids. My friends were his friends. I was fairly isolated. My daughter isn't. She has family that will always remind her of right and wrong.. even when she's the one that's wrong and eventually.. when she decides she doesn't have to defend him we will be back to party planning stage.
Hopefully, after this I will return to my normally scheduled blogging. For what that's worth.
