Letter to my Daughter
(( No, I did not send this.. probably won't either..maybe I should. I just know I'm hating this drama going on right now!!))
Dear Kiddo,
I'd talk about this over the phone but you get frustrated and want to get off before you hear anyone out.. and I guess I understand that.
I think first what I want to say is that when your sister speaks you really must learn to take only half of what she says and only swallow that with several grains of salt. She honestly has no right speaking for everyone. Only for herself.
As for me, and note I speak for nobody but myself.. I wouldn't go so far as to say I do not like your man. But, you put me on the spot so I will say this.
I came from an abusive background. Mentally and physically abusive. I worked every day to try and learn how to raise you kids differently and I want nothing more in life than to know you are never treated as I was nor are my grandchildren. So when he hollers at a pregnant woman for not getting laundry done, using words my own husband doesn't use with me, it worries me.
He speaks his peace with me in a manner that is as far as I'm concerned very disrespectful any time he disagrees with me. If he can treat YOUR mother this way, then every time he does that and you leave, I worry about how he treats you. I am sure you don't speak to his parents with a disrespectful tone and I know, I'd smack you if I heard that. It's just not right. If I don't accept that from strangers, in fact don't want to be spoken to disrespectfully by my very own children then it stands to reason that I don't like it from ANYONE. It doesn't matter who it is but everyone deserves a little civility even during disagreements.
Take it one further and if he's disrespectful to you and I.. how is he going to treat the baby when he gets old enough to start getting frustrating?
Those aren't dislikes.. they are very real concerns of mine.
But, there is more. Sure Tom's van was a pain. Unfortunately he's that last minute way with everyone and yes it annoys people, not just your man. But, some of us simply don't understand why, when you guys need the money, he'd walk away from making $150.00. No, the pay's not good but it's more than Zero. Why is my pregnant daughter hungry and he's walking away from $150.00? Yes, Tom already took it apart which makes it harder for David but some money is better than no money.
There are those of us, namely me, that do not understand how he can in good conscience spend money for high perferomance parts on a car he can't drive when there are bills to be paid. I know he needs tools to make money but he doesn't have to start out with the best if doing so puts you further into debt. Get his feet on the ground and build up rather than sacrifice other important things makes more sense. But for himself he only likes the best and it LOOKS like he doesn't care who has to sacrifice what to get the best. Rather like our Harley's.. they did not come until you guys were older and we had the money. Family first.. priorities.
See, keep in mind what I know. Craig worked extra days, even Sundays to try and get the things you needed and some of what you wanted. Rollerblades for one was a side job. Not a car for him or a motorcycle for him but his family came first. With David it SEEMS like family comes second.
I repeat, these aren't dislikes, they are concerns. To tell the truth, it doesn't matter if anyone other than you likes him. But given people have concerns about him then if we are wrong your plan to just not bring him around those of us that (according to someone else, ) don't like .. will him only add fuel to that.
It is not up to you to make everyone like him it is up to him. When he finds himself among a family that believes in following the law like I do, then he shouldn't make me feel stupid. He wants me to do his taxes and yet makes me feel like I'm ignorant because I believe that if he earns income he should claim it on his taxes. That was another conversation he made me feel like an idiot for. I claim income from all customers. I don't cheat and he thinks it's okay to do so. I can't tell him if he should pay his taxes or not but don't assume because we have our own business that I cheat.
But all that said, it tears at my heart when I hear him cuss at you. I cry when he can tell you all you had to do all fucking day (3 hours) was laundry, when in truth you had to drive him to and from work, take him to run errands. He has you and now he has a son it is time for him to be a man, a loving responsible man. Until that time, I will worry about you and the baby. And keeping him away will only make me worry even more.
Perhaps I am lucky but I wake up each day and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am loved and cherished. I am spoiled and I love the man for it. I'd be happy if you kids had half of what I have and when I don't see it I worry. So, it's not up to you to change anything it's up to David. You wanted the truth you got it. If you don't have enough respect between each other to speak even civily.. yes, i worry. That tears at the heart, it will tear at your self esteem.. and it WILL affect my grandson and my daughter.
And, don't ever take what your sister says as gospel truth because to be concerned isn't necessarily equated to dislike. We all erred.. We spoke our frustrations rather than burden you with it and she didn't respect that confidentiality and in fact turned it around on all of us. For that I'm sorry.
It's tough to be loved by a bunch of people that only want you to be happy, huh?
