Personal Venting
My father died about 12 years ago. I never knew he had money because he was so miserly but according to the lady he was married to for the last five years of his life, he'd felt very guilty for things that happened in his children's life that he had absolutely no control over. I do not hold him responsible nor would I ever but he himself never could let go of the guilt. He did the only thing he knew to do to try and make ammends.. he saved every penny he could with the intention of leaving it to my brother and I.
Before he died I knew my brother was to get all the outdoor items and tools, and some other things and I was to get all the "house" things. Shortly before my dad died he changed his will so that the woman he was married to those last five years could remain in the house and the will was changed so that everything would go to her so I couldn't take and empty the house on her and leave her with nothing. He did not clarify that upon her death I was to get it.
For the most part this wasn't an issue. I wanted three things.. my mom's Indian Statue, my mom's chaise lounge, and my grandmother's stained glass windows. I got the statue but my mother's chaise lounge she wouldn't let me take because my dad made her sell her's. But, my grandmother's stained glass windows that are priceless antiques and hang indoors? She wouldn't let me take those either. I was named after my grandmother .. they have sentimental value to me and I couldn't have them.
Then, there is the matter of the house. When my dad died it was paid off. She told me prior to his death that he wanted her to pay taxes and insurance, and of course her utilities. She AGREED to this! Then, as soon as he died, she charged first taxes and insurance to the estate because they told her she could. Then, she started charging her water bill to the estate and claimed it as 'fire prevention.' So, we pay for her to shower, clean her dishes, everything and she expended NO money on water during the last wild fire.
This house had no debts against it. None. It was paid off. The money my dad left was to pay for major repairs. This is what we were all told while he was alive. But the paperwork was not done correctly and she got all of it until she dies at which time the house is to be sold and the money split between my brother and I. I was FINE with this.
What I wasn't fine with is when she took a loan out against the house and has been only paying the interest payment with money she uses from the estate. So, she is depleting the funds and the loan faster than any normal person would. Finally, over a year ago, her daughter called my brother saying this woman wanted to sell the house, pay off the debt she's incurred and then split the money three ways. This was NOT part of my dad's will or trust.. no where is it there.
I contacted a lawyer who in turn turned it over to the appropriate people. I did not contest the fact that she lived in the house I did however, contest to the offer to sell the house and she take what she's already spent plus a third.. a third that will go to her children and not the children that were intended to receive it, ultimately his grandchildren.
I contested that our annual statements of expenditures included bounced check fees, a new koi fountain and the upkeep of that, to include the fish. Now, if she needs to repair the roof which is what the money was for not fish, she doesn't have the moeny! And no, we were not consulted when she spent money. The list goes on.. there are expenditures in there that we have no clue what they are for. It's just someone's name and for years we've been asking for a better accounting than just names. At no time did I want her removed from the house.. though the end result is that in our doing that the cost of her lawyer comes from the estate too. So we were paying our lawyer and hers too.
Through it all she couldn't be bothered to learn the names of my dad's grandchildren. She called two of my
children et and al. It isn't the money so much as it is that I used to call her and all I heard was how much she loved my dad then wanted us to spend our personal money to put a swimming pool in for her. She was allowed to live in the house but not make changes.. See this house was my mom and dads.. they built it. It was their dream house. A spanish style house and my dad had spanish tile around the fireplace .. he adamanttly refused to let her put in mantles. As soon as he died, she had COLonial mantles put on spanish style fireplaces.
And, because of what she perceives as us trying to contest the will, she's prepared to have us removed from the trust, which she can do. But we didn't contest that.. we contested this selling and her getting the bills plus one third.. which is Not part of the will.
It isn't even so much about money as it is.. honor. It's about respecting that my grandmother's windows should have come home with me. Oh yeah, she told me to come get them then when I got there said..no. How can she say she loved my dad and then take what he wanted his children to have?
Originally she had only three years to live in the house then it was to be sold. Understandably he didn't want her out on the streets so he changed it until she died or remarried but everything else remained the same. It would be nice to help my kids get in to their own houses instead of pay for her to live in my dad's house. It would be nice to not struggle financially every day.. it would be nice to know when one of my father's grandchildren is HOMELESS... his money can go toward helping them get on their feet. My son wants to get custody of his daughter.. he could use the money but even to my kids it's not about my dad's money but honor.
It's about honoring your word, respecting my dad's wishes. We could have had her kicked out at the end of three years. For one we didn't know this and we still didn't want her kicked out but do want her to quit spending money that she shouldn't spend. It's about following through with what my dad wanted.
You can't make a person be honorable. And I guess in time she will have to meet her maker. Just make sure you don't just TRUST your word will be followed when you die. As soon as my dad died she was all about money. None of us knew how much he had and it floored us but it's been about how she changed and she became all about money. My father had her and her children set for life and now she's taking what was for his children and grandchildren.. and apparently willing to try and take it all.
I'm sorry.. I could handle all of this better if, from day one she was honest about who she was instead of giving me this "I love him so much line." Clearly she loved his money and despite everyone saying this I wanted to believe she was better than that. How sorely mistaken I was.
